The emotional thrill ride…
Our Christmas was a good one, but filled with additional emotions not usually associated with the holidays. I posted the other day about Stephen and Fred asking if I was going to still be a Fire Fighter. Their questions continue and are good ones too. They also seem to be working through their emotions….ie they definitely have more now and are learning to express and discuss them. They are keenly aware that treatments will be starting soon. They like me coming home every night too. If you missed it, I have been working in the office since my last surgery 5 weeks ago. With any luck I’ll get cleared to return to work next week. The only issue is that I should be starting my treatments next week and may need to be off additional time. Of course I won’t know which treatment I’ll be on till a few days before it starts. This added stress is become palpable in our house. My nerves/anxiety are edgy ( mainly because I’m actually going to be sick as a result of Hermes). Lynese has been a trooper but this mess it taking its toll on her too.
On Christmas Eve we all went ice skating on a local pond in the mountains. It was a beautiful day in the hills. Cold an sunny..perfect for Norman Rockwell like day on the ice. Afterwards we stopped at a local pizza joint and enjoyed a somewhat well behave lunch with the kids. Later that evening Lynese confessed that these fun trips and family outings are hard. She has been enjoying them but can’t shake the thought that she might have to this without me some day…or worse is the last time we get to do it together. What are you supposed to say to this. I gave her a big hug and reassured her that I’m going to do what is necessary to stick around. I was very impressed with her courage to express such a deep and hard emotion. We all realize that we might lose our spouse some day but to actually face the possibility is a whole different animal. We have been trying to communicate and talk about how we feel to better prepare ourselves. I believe this communication we have will better prepare us for my treatments and allow me to draw on her strength. I’m trying to be a proponent of living in the present, remembering the past and face the future with strength and optimism.
In closing I really want to make it publicly clear that I am greatly honored to be call Lynese’s husband and to call her my best friend. So far she has exhibited a huge amount of strength in these trying times and I appreciate her being involved in this journey.
Luv u bx3 Boo
