Are you still going to be a fire fighter dad?
This weekend Stephen and Freddy attended their CLIMB class at the hospital ( that was like pulling teeth at first). Both were anxious, angry, upset and generally miserable before they went. We dropped them off and they spent the next few hours learning about cancer and its many treatments. They got a tour of the infusion center and learned about IV’s and other medication delivery systems. They spent a good deal of time learning how to talk. ( That’s odd, they’re related to me, they should know how to talk) They made their “strong” boxes. In these boxes they put things that frighten them and those thing that make them strong. By the time we picked them up they were having lots of fun. They even stated that they wanted to come back.
Later that night Stephen posed one of the toughest questions he’s ever asked me. When I was putting him to bed he asked if I was going to still be a fire fighter. I asked why and he stated because that’s why I am sick and going to go through treatment. Ouch!!! I tried to explain to him that I was going to make changes to what I do and how I clean things to give myself the best chance but I am a fire fighter. I told him I wasn’t going to do anything that is going to make myself sicker. He still seemed worried. It’s a sad time in your life when you can’t fully reassure your kids.
Then on Sunday, Freddy was helping me cook dinner. Out of the blue he asked if I was going to still wear my boots at work? I realized he has the same fear that Stephen did. I did my best to reassure him that I was going to do everything possible to keep myself same. He told me he doesn’t want me to wear by boots anymore because that’s what made me sick.
Well, the class succeeded in helping my kids communicate but at a heavy cost to my heart-strings.
